Moving this weekend

I'm moving to a more permanent location on the north end. The last couple of weeks have been very busy and exams are looming over my head. I've had some ups and downs with personal relationships and lost a potential friend. My focus has been on everything else but kung fu, go figure. I'm trying to convince myself that I can grade this year but it's not happening because I feel like I should be doing more. I'm starting to feel as if it will never happen and I should just quit, but I know that's not the answer either.

Sihing Karissa Martin

Silent River Kung Fu

Stony Plain, AB

www.silentriverkungfu.com

Living life to the fullest.

I do not know of many who don't fear death. In fact, it is one universal quality that unites us as human beings. What happens after we die is an integral part of all forms of philosophy and subsequently religion.

Imagine yourself on your death bed. What can you say about the life you have lived? Are you satisfied, or do you have many regrets? Can you now, as you sit at your computer, say that you are living your life to the fullest? These are just a sample of the many questions I have been asking myself over the past few weeks.

What does it mean to live your life to the fullest? Perhaps it means to live a life of happiness. According to South Asian philosophy, happiness is defined as the lack of suffering, and suffering being defined as a gap between the person you are and the person you desire to be. In order to eliminate suffering, you can either strive to be the best person you can or, to be blunt, lower your standards. I imagine few people, especially in the western world, would choose the latter. That leaves us with striving to achieve all that we desire. And that gives us the power to quite literally change the world.

I must address immortality. Of course, no one wants to die, but we must face it at some point. If we eliminate suffering in our lives by striving to achieve what we desire, we can leave our own personal mark on the world. We can influence future generations of thoughts and actions. We can influence others in order to eliminate their own suffering. By leaving our own mark in the world, we are in a sense immortal.

You are important! You have thoughts and experiences that are unique! Just imagine the extent of the knowledge that you possess, what you can teach others, and what you can learn from them.

Take action and speak up! Strive for happiness and be the person you want to be. Share thoughts and experiences, and be open to the thoughts and experiences of others. Together we can create a ripple of change throughout the world.

Karissa Martin

Silent River Kung Fu

Stony Plain, AB

www.silentriverkungfu.com

PS. This was the long winded way of telling you journal.

Hm...

So far I am extremely behind on all of my requirements. Some days I just can't do anything. When I exercise I feel terrible with the development of a heart arrhythmia. It's really a downer and I have no idea how I'm going to be ready for grading in September. My mind keeps telling me that I should be able to do all of the physical requirements. I mean, I could 4 months ago. My mind and my body feel out of sync with each other. Looking at my numbers I feel so disappointed. I know I shouldn't focus on the physical aspects of this challenge but I can't believe I'm already feeling myself slowing down this early in the year.

Karissa Martin

Silent River Kung Fu

Stony Plain, AB

www.silentriverkungfu.com

It's time to climb that mountain

Here are my UBBT requirements so you guys can kick me in the butt if I slack off.

-12 new art pieces for my portfolio

-keep a food diary

-learn to swim butterfly 75 meters with 2 flipturns

-1 500 repetitions of kempo

-3 650 minutes of meditation

-18 500 round house kicks on each leg

-swim 100 kilometers using any combination of strokes

-test for black belt September 2011

I believe the most beneficial ones are going to be the swimming and meditation ( for low impact exercise and to reduce the anxiety that has been wrecking havoc on my body). Honestly I'm already behind on my requirements and scared to death of testing but I need to challenge myself.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Years and good luck for the upcoming year !

P.S Does anyone know how to swim butterfly? :)

Sihing Karissa Martin

Silent River Kung Fu

Stony Plain, AB

www.silentriverkungfu.com

It's the end of the world as we know it

... Or at least the end of the year. As I get older, time moves at an alarmingly fast pace. I've learned quite a bit this past year: I've had to adapt to new surroundings, a new schedule, the demands of university, how to organize my time (and trust me, I'm still learning), and to not take my health for granted. Now I can take what I've learned and apply it to the upcoming year. All in all things are looking up.

I feel about 3/4 of the way back to my original lung capacity. It's to the point where I don't notice myself becoming short of breath doing everyday activities. Now I have to work on getting my muscles back into shape: I did a couple inside crescent spinning outside inside kicks on each leg and could barely get out of bed the next day. Honestly, I didn't fully understand how beneficial kung fu is for my body until I had to stop training.

My INR is now too low at 1.5 on the 6mg for some reason or another. So I'm up to 6.5 mg daily and still have to get blood taken every week. I'm almost at my breaking point with the blood work. Never have I been a squeamish person; on the contrary I think that stuff is neat. So while I was in the hospital I had blood drawn 4 or 5 times. Not a problem. I gave myself subcutaneous injections twice a day for 3 weeks. Not a problem either. While first starting warfarin I had my blood taken every 3 days for about two weeks. It became progressively more difficult for the techs to find a vein and successfully obtain a sample. This is definitely NOT something that gets easier the more you do it. I've almost passed out 3 times, and they usually need to poke and dig around at least 4 times to find a decent vein. It is a real confidence killer, especially when I consider myself fairly resilient and leave the lab almost in tears.

Other than the warfarin being temperamental, I'm feeling well. And about time too. Expect another blog from me in the next couple of days.

Sihing Karissa Martin

Silent River Kung Fu

Stony Plain, AB

www.silentriverkungfu.com

All it takes is a little change

I will start off with the usual spiel about my health. INR jumped to 3.4 this week, so I'm down 1/2 a mg of warfarin. I guess that would explain the huge bruise I recieved from my friend merely holding my leg in order to tickle my foot. So I have to take it easy until the INR is at least below 3 (if you don't remember what INR is it's a ratio of how long my blood takes to clot compared to a normal person.) Good news is that I only need blood taken every week instead of every 3 days! The techs were having to poke me up to 3 times in order to find even a decent vein, and it was starting to hurt.

The cold, dry air is giving me chest and back pain at nights. I'm going to condition my poor lungs by going for a walk every day. So far the pain is subsiding. As for my leg pain and numbness I've noticed an improvement in the last week. Things seem to be looking up! The only upsetting incident in the past week or so was a panic attack in a public place. I think it was started by the chest pain I was having due to the weather. Fortunately I had it under control after 10 minutes by stimulating the pressure point between the thumb and index finger. I know it works but previously I've only used it for minor things like headaches, and I was blown away by how effective it is.

I've since started joining class again, and although I couldn't do much it felt nice to be apart of the atmosphere that only training with your peers can produce. It really does feel like I have a second family there.

One last thing. Do you remember Sifu Brinker saying that you can't expect a different result by doing things exactly the same as before? Well, I'm here to quantify that statement with a "real world" example. Last semester I failed a linear algebra course. This semester I had to take it again. After failing the first few assignments, I came to the realization that I may be approaching it the wrong way. After looking at how I studied this course versus a course that I succeeded in, I decided to change how I studied it. I began to created notes with the same format as my biology ones, which is something I have never done with math before. Behold!! Math is no longer an abstract concept that makes me weep tears of frustration. It's just a language that describes daily life. Needless to say I'm doing SO much better in the course and actually enjoying it. Honestly, my outlook on life has changed. We all have to ability to accomplish what we want and to do it well. Sometimes it just takes a little change on our part. I feel like I can do ANYTHING now, including get through this nasty PE!

Karissa Martin

Silent River Kung Fu

Stony Plain, AB

www.silentriverkungfu.com

Next week I'll be "re-joining" class. Re-joining as in at least being on the other side of the bench. I never thought that having to sit and watch everyone would be such a soul-draining experience. At times I wanted to jump that little wall and start throwing thrust kicks, but in my heart I knew I wouldn't even be able to make it over the wall. I just need to start small, and I know that just being surrounded by everyone's energy will make a big difference in my recovery.

On another note, I'm terrified of having another PE. Every day I think "Is this going to be the day that it happens again?". It is mentally draining and I'm now having panic attacks because of the anxiety. For the first time in my life deep breathing does not seem to help. Sifu Brinker reminded me of the pressure point between the thumb and index finger. Does anyone have other suggestions? I'm tempted to ask my doctor for Ativan but I know I should try alternate methods first.

Sihing Karissa Martin

Silent River Kung Fu

Stony Plain, AB

www.silentriverkungfu.com